Soap is not a condiment
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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