I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
