The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
