In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
