I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
