i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
