I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
