Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
