Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
