Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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