I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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