I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
