We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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