i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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