Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
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