Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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