You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
