dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
