Well douche your snatch and let's go!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
