So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
