The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
