I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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