my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
