Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
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mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
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Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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