There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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