you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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