I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
