i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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