wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
