Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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