I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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