Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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