I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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