Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
