I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
