I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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