he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Randomize