I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
