you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
