You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
