im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
