no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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