just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
