Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
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