You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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