It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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