We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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