He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
