I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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