Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
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It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
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He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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