Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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