Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
