i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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