I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
