Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
