your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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