Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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