I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
