I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
