Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
