i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
