i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
