His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
