I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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