There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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