idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
