no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
