oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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