The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
