I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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