Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
