If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
organizing the empties. That sober.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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