does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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