how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
