I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you would pick up someone in the library
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
