Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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