Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
